His Secret Cross
by suxx0rzehey
Summary: [One-shot] chaos thinks about a blue haired android's fate through his decisions. Implied chaos x KOS-MOS. Has one major spoiler for XSII.


**Author's Note:** Here I am, once again, I'm torn into- Oh, wait, that was "Behind these Hazel Eyes" by Kelly Clarkson. Hahaha. Anyway, I'm here once again to bring j00 a new fanfic (better than last one, I think)! And it's chaos x KOS-MOS! Uh, sort of. Why? Because I like them together! This may seem crappy because I'm just making it up in my mind right now (some things anyway). I'll try to make them the same as their personalities the best I can because last time I thought (and many others) MOMO was too different from her personality…** Warning, this fic contains major spoilers for XSII (though it's a, pre-XSII fic…), so if you don't want any spoilers don't read it yet. **I haven't played it, but I accidentally read something about chaos so that's how it happened.

**Disclaimer:** I wish I owned Xenosaga, but I don't. If I did I'd have the guys who did the story…well write the story but with Star Ocean 3's battle system. BWAHAHAHAHA! "Air Raid!" ahem Namco and Monolith Soft own Xenosaga. S-E still owns Xenogears, I think.

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**His Secret Cross**

**By Tyrantress **

It was pouring rain at the Kukai Foundation. Or more like artificial rain, for the weather system was controlled there. The enigmatic young man, referred to as chaos, walked down the wet and dark street near the Sector 26 Park. He was walking there by himself, oblivious to Shion and co. that he was not attending the meeting for preparing to go to Proto Merkabah.

Proto Merkabah, a "lab" designed for the purpose of finding Lost Jerusalem, once known as Earth, before they lost track of their planet they once lived in. chaos knew the exact location of where Lost Jerusalem was, but decided to keep quiet about it. He cannot reveal anything about him until that time comes. That was his plan from the beginning, and he wasn't about to change it at this point of the game. The reason chaos had decided not to attend the meeting with the others is that he needed time alone to decide about the decision he'll have to make soon.

'At this point of the story, I shouldn't worry about it too much.' chaos thought. 'But if I put it off until later on, I might make the wrong decision.'

For a second, the silver haired youth closed his eyes, remembering Nephilim's words, "What will you do?" Those words haunted him every time he was with Shion and especially KOS-MOS. KOS-MOS, the android designed by Shion Uzuki and the "late" Kevin Winnicot, also haunted him. It was not part of the plan to fall in love with her. He only needed to meet her. And because of this, he is haunted by the decision to save her and let everyone else die or he could help her save the universe, but paying the price with her life. That was his hidden cross that he carries around his back everyday now. The cross that would deliver pain to him and only him, until he decides KOS-MOS's fate.

It was like one of those really clichéd stories where the protagonist falls in love with a beautiful maiden, but she has to die in order to save the world or something. In fact that was the situation. That was the decision that was haunting and hurting him ever since he had fallen in love with the android. He was the "Messiah" of this era; shouldn't he be able to know what to do? He was only half divine, though. Being human keeps him unable to do things like his "Father", who can change anything faster than people and gnosis could ever begin to imagine. But his father created humans to have free will and because chaos was part human he could have free will to save KOS-MOS…which was the wrong choice. As the Messiah, he needs to do what his title says.

chaos had been thinking for so long about it that he didn't even realize where he was going, so jumping back to reality he moved back just in time to avoid being hit by a truck that was passing by the road. He immediately knew that the man driving the truck was drunk, Messiahs had a strange way of knowing people's conditions.

"Dammit, boy! Watch where the hell you're going!" the truck driver yelled angrily as he looked back at chaos.

"I'm sorry, sir!" chaos shouted apologetically to the driver, who was way ahead of him. Ah, people these days hadn't really changed since six thousand years ago have they? Some are still conceited, mean, prejudice against others…Going back to the topic of deciding whether to save KOS-MOS, he knew that if she sacrificed herself people will actually learn to be good this time around. Well most of them anyway. After (safely) crossing the street, chaos nearly jumped up to see the blue haired android right in front of him.

"Hello, KOS-MOS. I didn't see you there. In fact you surprised me, which is very rare these days." chaos said hastily with the last part nearly inaudible.

The emotionless android just stared at him as she spoke, "chaos, Shion has informed me to ask if you require anything for our journey to Proto Merkabah in approximately three hours, ninteen minutes, and forty-three seconds."

How typical of KOS-MOS to drag statistics into a conversation, if you could call it that. chaos smiled at her. There was another side of her that only he knew about, for now anyway. It was the other "her" he had fallen in love with. He had met with the other her several times in ways inexplicable by words. And that was the "her" he had fallen in love with, the one that plagued his thoughts for quite a while. "No, I don't need anything, KOS-MOS. But thank you anyway."

"Very well, I shall return back with the others to inform Shion that you do not require anything. Goodbye, chaos." KOS-MOS stated just as emotionlessly as before. She turned her back on him and headed in the direction of the Durandal. But something had stopped her from going back, and she faced chaos once more.

"chaos." KOS-MOS spoke, still emotionlessly. chaos had just started to go the other way to ponder about the choices, until she spoke his name.

"Yes, KOS-MOS? Do you need anything else?" Well that was a stupid question to ask. She can't have forgotten anything, everything Shion has told her is stored in one of her memory banks so…

"chaos, why is it that whenever I am in your presence, I start to malfunction?"

"Ah, that's…" chaos drifted off. He didn't know how to answer that. No information can be revealed about him to anyone until that time comes, not even to her. So, he just decided to avoid the question for now. "I'm sorry, KOS-MOS. I don't know what you're talking about." Which was true, he had no idea that she malfunctioned when he was nearby.

"I see. My sensors do not detect that you are lying, so I will leave that matter as is for now." KOS-MOS said again, but chaos felt that this time it was as if there was actually emotion in those words. Emotions like sadness and anxiety. Shortly after that, she turned around once more heading towards the Durandal.

chaos looked at her from the back. He wanted to tell her what was going on, but everything will be screwed up. He had bore the pain in his heart up until now right? So can't he wait just a little longer? At any rate it's not too long until he has to discard that cross of his and carry another, but the next time with help from the ones he loves and cares about. The young savior eventually continued his thinking and walked off the opposite direction as KOS-MOS.

Somewhere along the way to the Durandal, KOS-MOS's eyes turned blue, unseen by others who walked pass her. And the other she was now present in the world for a slight moment, saying her last words for the time being, "I will wait for your explanation until then, Yeshua, my lord and savior."

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Well it was much shorter than my last one. And IMO, it's probably the best thing I wrote (eh, which proves my inferiority to others right now). Also the most religious (wow, more religious than my religion essay, eek XD) and angsty thing I have ever written. Oo About that "cross", decision, and "meeting inexplicable by words" (no not that way you perverts! XD), I needed something to make sense with the "Relinquish your pain unto me" words at the end of XSI so I just made that up (like everything else heheh). Anyway, review please! Flames are allowed, just give me the reason why you flamed me and blah blah blah. 


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